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Posers Versus Real Italians
Use this checklist to determine if you are a real Italian or simply a wannabe
Nowadays, there's lots of talk about Italians, especially in the United States, where every reality show seems to put the spotlight on our paesani. Unfortunately, these TV shows (think Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, Real Housewives of New Jersey) have little reality to them. Some of the real people portrayed as Italians are not Italian at all or are so many generations removed from the home country that they don't even know what being Italian means. Oh, and obviously from the show titles, you might have already realized that the creators are confusing New Jersey for Italy. To clear things up for folks who might be unsure of their true identity, I've created the checklist below. Use it to determine if you're a real Italian or just a poser.
POSERS vs. REAL ITALIANS
POSERS call it mozzarell and prosciutt.
POSERS wear white undershirts (which they offensively call guinea tees or wife beaters) to show off their muscles.
POSERS call themselves Italian but do not know from where in Italy their family hails.
POSERS own an Azzurri jersey but have never watched a soccer game and have no idea who legends like Paolo Maldini or Roberto Baggio are.
POSERS think it's cool when people think they're in the mafia.
POSERS call what they put atop their pasta (and it's all called pasta or spaghetti) gravy.
POSERS think they're visiting where they came from when they go to Florence, Venice, Rome, or Milan on vacation. For very few that might be true. But the large majority of Italians who left the country come from further south (Naples, Calabria, Sicily, Bari, etc.)
POSERS think Italian music is limited to "O Sole Mio" or the songs that have recently been remixed on English-language radio ("L'Italiano" by the Sicilians and "We No Speak Americano," a remix of "Vuo' Fa' L'Americano," by Yolanda B Cool and DCUP).
POSERS think chicken or veal parmigiana is an Italian dish.
POSERS think their ancestors in Italy were fashion models, high-powered gangsters, or at least wealthy.
POSERS have no idea that octopus, tripe, and rabbit are among Italy's finest dishes.
POSERS think figs, lemons, tomatoes, etc. are things you buy at the supermarket.
POSERS still think Italy is all history, beauty, and la dolce vita.
POSERS wear Italy's flag or Italian words only in their tattoos.
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